Personal Rant // Diary-ish-thing Post

Not really much to see here, just expressing my feelings, but, read it if you want.

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Bits and Pieces of my Life

  • Tomorrow morning, I’m recording a radio ad. (Does anyone even listen to those anymore?)
  • I had an argument this afternoon (with my mother) about whether being gay is a choice. UGH. 
  • She brought up something about God, and I almost screamed at her that I don’t believe in God, but I was too much of a chicken-shit.
  • PS, I’m agnostic, and my family (and friends - who are all uber-religious) don’t know… (Except, my sister will know when she reads this.) I’m not sure why I haven’t told them, yet. Mostly fear of rejection, I suppose.
  • I haven’t worked out in a long, long, long time, which is why I haven’t seen much of a change in my weight. But, I’ve been seeing a change in my belly (not for the better, either) and I’ve decided I really need to set some goals for myself in that aspect.
  • I’ve been over-eating since Thanksgiving for no apparent reason…
  • I’m afraid that, with the stress of Dead Week/Finals, I will gain ten pounds from all the food I will probably be stress-eating.
  • I’ve become addicted to Disney music after watching the video that I posted last night.
  • On that note, I have a hard time choosing my favorite Disney princess. It’s either Mulan or Pocahontas.
  • I was supposed to move to Portland in January, but that plan has gone down the tubes. AGAIN. UGHHH.
  • I have felt really, uh, lonely? in the “love department” lately. I don’t know how to put it, exactly. I guess I’m just longing for some guy to come sweep me off my feet. (I have my eye on this guy in my Spanish class right now, and I think he has his eye on me, too, but… we’re both socially awkward, and, yeah… nothing’s happening. :/) 
  • I don’t like feeling like I need a guy to be happy, but that’s just how it is right now.
  • I’ve never kissed anyone under the mistletoe, and I really want to.
  • Shut up, brain, stop being so mushy and sad!
  • “Let’s get down to business, to defeat the Huns.”
  • I’m starting to smell food when there is none around - not a good sign.
  • I should study now, especially since I only have ten hours until I have to be at the radio station, and I would like a good night’s sleep.
  • This was a nice way to get stuff off my mind. I think I will continue to do these lists when I feel like it.

Things on my mind lately…

  • “This would be a good song to have sex to” (just about any song)
  • What would happen if I dated/married a guy from tumblr?
  • I love Movember [moustaches!]
  • CHOCOLATE
  • I have become vain since losing weight (I swear, I cannot stop looking at myself in mirrors…)
  • I feel sexier in lace panties [must buy more]
  • I need to move out so I can walk around the entire house naked

Wedding Bells…

I work at a wedding shop. I have been surrounded by long, flowing, expensive white gowns for over a year.

It’s getting to me.


I was never the girl that planned out her fairy tale wedding. I designed dresses, yes, but, that was only because I thought that I wanted to be a fashion designer… As of late, however, I have been planning - dresses, tuxes, color-schemes, locations, favors, etc. - for a wedding that, most likely, will not happen until I’m 30.

Still, my internal clock is tick-tick-ticking, counting down the minutes until I am wearing one of those angelic dresses down the aisle.  If I could do it now, I probably would… But, there’s one little, teensy-weensy problem:

I need a man.